What is the reverse of lost?

I am lost. Or am I? To be lost to me means, not knowing where one is exactly in relation to where one wants to be. Perhaps I am antilost, or is it alost or perhaps tsol? Whatever the reverse of lost is. I think I know where it is that I am in my life, but I have no idea where I want to be, and therefore no idea how to get there.

I am certain I am not the only one in this position. This brings me no comfort. If I am but one of many to face a firing squad, am I any more comfortable in the knowledge of my impending doom than if I were to face the execution alone?

Working through the conundrum; how do I find myself? The question becomes; where is it that I want to find?

I have a memory of a method once used in a situation I can’t remember by a wise person I am unable to recall, whereby to discover an unknown desired state the person worked in reverse. That is to find out where it is that I want to be I should consider where it is that I do not want to be.

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Existential Quandary Ramblings

Are we suppose to believe that life is all there is to existing? To exist is to extrapolate upon life, in the same, individual existence involves looking at the universe outside as well as the confined enclosure which encompasses ones life.Existing involves two unequal parts, living ones life and pondering why one has life. Living ones life is that which we do day-to-day. It is the life which we try to improve upon. The life that others judge and ourselves most harshly. The life which involves capitalism, communism, fascism, racism, homophobia, homosexuality, sexuality…The life that involves building towards ones retirement and what is retirement? Is it anything but the acceptance of life’s end, is it not the final waiting period before death?

Life is but a novel, poem, film, musical or anecdote. It builds toward the final chapter/scene, and what of that final chapter? It’s just the part where you wait for the end? And what of the end? Well no one knows. Probably no one alive will ever know! But to ask this question, to ponder ones existence and ultimate death is to me, existing.

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The Canary

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I yearn for contentment. I pine for that place where I am truly happy, where I may find inner peace. That place where the feeling of being lost is absent. I long to excel, to stand out from the crowd, to be distinguished, to be an individual whose name people remember.

Life in our modern capitalist society is full of almost limitless opportunity. Opportunity to excel, to stand out from the crowd, to be distinguished to be an individual, to be remembered. The problem lies in this limitless. By presenting us with so many options, so many possible outcomes, life complicates itself.

Ignorance is bliss! If we did not have choices, if we did not know of other options, other possibilities, finding ourselves would be easy.

If a canary is born in a tiny cage and raised only knowing of this tiny, amusement free prison, it is conceivable that this canary may find happiness/contentment in a slightly larger cage or merely with the introduction of a small toy or another bird. By not knowing of the outside world, where in the wild a canary can fly for kilometres in the same direction and interact with millions of other canaries, eat a wide and varied diet and produce offspring; simplifies the task of finding happiness within its own small cage.

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Is it possible that even if there is a God, I am so insignificant that He doesn’t even know I exit?

Looking at things realistically, I am but one of more than 6.5 billion homo-sapiens on the planet earth at this moment in time and but one of many trillions that have lived in the past million years. Homo-sapiens are but one of many trillions of life forms that occupy earth and but one of many, many more trillions of life forms that have lived on the earth in the past 4 billion years. Earth is but one small planet of 9 orbiting our sun. Our sun is but one small star out of the trillions of stars in our immediate area of the universe. Space appears to be infinite, and therefore the possibility of other planets with an equally large amount of life forms appears certain.

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The probability of me living again after this life has ended is one. For the non-mathematically minded I will live again.

How do I figure this? Well I use two major assumptions that no one yet has disproved to me, and which appears the only logical explanation available to me. Work with me.

Assumption one: Space is infinite, it has no dimensions and no boundaries. Is there any other possibility? Think of it like this: if there were a boundary what is on the other side? More space? I cannot be convinced of a boundary. Space, to me, must be limitless for what is it if it is not just endless nothingness?

Assumption two: Time is infinite. It has no start and no end, or at least no end. I cannot personally see time having a start or a finish. To me it is either an endless straight line or circular. Either way I cannot see how time can suddenly begin and someday suddenly end. I have heard theories that suggest that time did begin at the point of the big bang. I personally don’t believe this because something had to happen to create the big bang and that something involved time. So is my thought process.

Say I am wrong. Say time is a straight line with a beginning as some theorise. The question is will it ever end? I don’t think its possible. Even if all matter someday folds back in upon itself and disappears, time will still exist for there will be a moment one second later, and a time one million years after matter has disappeared. To me time has to be endless, infinite even if it had a beginning.

Whether time is circular or just an infinite straight line, I believe I will live again. If time is circular everything happens again, that is the nature of a circle. If it is not, it is an infinite straight line, which is the basis of my argument as to why I shall live again.

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Planning for the long-term

I could raise the argument that too much focus on the long term causes more harm than good. If one is hell bent on getting somewhere down the track, one can lose sight of the now and even if one obtains their ultimate goal, they may not have enjoyed getting there and thus may actually resent achieving the goal. Or heaven forbid, accident, trial, tribulation or act of God may intervene and render obtaining the goal impossible. What then? What becomes of the effort and sacrifice? If the focus has been too long-term as to forget the present goal of enjoying life, long-term planning becomes an evil to be avoided.

But let us look at the opposite end of the scale. What if one abandons long-term goals for day-to-day, fly by the seat of your pants, present day life enjoyment philosophy?

If your lucky you maybe able to live by this philosophy for your entire life. But only if you’re lucky. At some point though your likely to wake up one morning and have run out of ways to enjoy yourself. Maybe you run out of money, perhaps ideas or maybe even friends. You stop, look back on your life that you’ve enjoyed so, and you think what have I really achieved? What now? Where to next?

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The meaning of my life

What is life really about? I am prepared to say NOBODY knows. Maybe someday a long time from know, life, not necessarily humans, will discover the true meaning of life, the true spiritual reason for life’s existence.It could be in 100 years, but that is unlikely, maybe 1000 years, but more than likely in 10s of thousands of years from now. All I know is that we are so far from it at this point in time, that it won’t be in my lifetime.

Therefore what is the purpose of my life? For there is no reason to live if life has no purpose. If you don’t have a reason for doing something then you shouldn’t do it. Look at every aspect of a person’s life. Everything that we do has a reason, be it a logical life sustaining reason, or an illogical immoral reason, everything we do has a reason.So why live if you don’t have a reason to live?

My reason for living has changed many times throughout my life. It has included everything from an enormous fear of death to an absolute profound enjoyment of living.But why am I here? Is having a reason to live merely the purpose of my life? What is the purpose of life if its only reason is the avoidance of death? Therefore a reason to live isn’t enough to explain the purpose of life.

So what is the purpose of one’s life? To me it must be decided by the individual, because although nobody may know THE meaning of life, we can each have A meaning of our own lives, a purpose for living.

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Why Not?

I have long searched for the meaning of life,

The reason for why I exist,

A clearer thinking,

An understanding.

This search continues to bring me heartache,

Disillusionment and


Unanswerable question after

Unsolvable conundrum.

The only place I have ever reached,

Perhaps will ever reach,

Is to a further impossible quandary.

But why?

I know I will never get anywhere,

I will never get any closer to solving

The one question that has long plagued the

Evolving intelligence that is mankind.

So why bother?


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To be foolish

How is life fair?
A foolish man may accept
Blind faith,
And find inner peace.
Yet a wise man who looks
For answers
Can never find such harmony.
So what then must I do?
Continue to ask questions?
Or try to find a way to
Become foolish?

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